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When Having Bipolar Becomes Your Identity

I've had bipolar disorder my entire life, but never truly accepted it, even thou the symptoms of bipolar were manifested most of my life, until after seeking professional help and been diagnosed.

Now, I am trying to hold it together, while keeping my illness a secret from my family and friends until, I'm truly ready to tell everyone; while at the same time trying to raising awareness of mental illness, helping to fight the stigma, by sharing my story with the world, while trying to find complete balance with all the craziness of life. I feel very passionate about given my own experiences of mental illness (both bipolar and social anxiety disorders), which I wish that I was normal and did not have it.

I know that there's a problem, especially here in the Caribbean - where mental health conditions are very rampant and scary, because only few people can truly acknowledge that they have a problem, or have the necessary conditions to seek medical help, treatment and counselling; for sufferers of mental illness are not only prisioners of misconception and alienation; but also of poverty, instability, discriminatory attitudes and negative behaviours from family, friends and the general public, who are not fully educated or have all the relevant information about mental health conditions, especially about bipolar disorder and its condition, which I will be campaigning for better understanding and rights for those struggling with bipolar disorder and other mental health condition, for which bipolar is part of me.

I’m a Blogger & Writer

It was always my childhood dream and goal, to become a writer and a multi-skilled writer, I wanted to write plays, scripts, proposals for television, video and photography projects, even a novel; to become a photojournalist, or a documentary writer, food writer, freelance writer; you name it, I just wanted to become a writer any and all niche, so when introduced to blogging, I was sold on the idea. I can't see myself doing anything else, besides writing and of course blogging, for I live for it. Recently, I quit my job as a General Insurance Underwriter at a Motor Vehicle Insurance Company, to become a full-time Mental Health and Lifestyle Blogger/Writer, which is a passion, as well as a profession. I write and blog openly and honestly about mental health, well about my mental health condition, in living and dealing with both bipolar and social anxiety disorders, which is bit scary and rewarding at the same time, as I write through my blog and share my story, while trying to take of the mask, which I have been hiding behind, since the beginning of time. Writing and Blogging is my life.

I’m Bipolar

Even thou I am a Blogger/Writer, I suffer and struggle with both bipolar and social anxiety disorders; but more importantly the main reason that I write and blog is because of my mental health condition - bipolar, which particularly is my life, which is to say that bipolar symptoms are my life, and I have been struggling with and coping with it my entire life. Each and every new day of my life that I open my eyes, I thank god for sparing my life and start the process of trying to control the disorder, but I still have a long way to go as I also suffer from sleep insomnia, which keeps me awake in the night and totally tired in the morning; but I am trying to hang in there and I trying to work out a holistic self-management daily routine, which most times affects how I think and approach the world.

Bipolar is Part of Who I Am

Bipolar disorder is a fundamental part of who I am and not just an illness, for which most people will not agree with me and there are those who would totally agree whenever I should publicly come out and say that I have bipolar and I am bipolar. I have known to do some pretty crazy things in my teenage years, but none to get me into trouble with the law or my parents.

Apart, from openly admitting that I have a mental health condition online, which in a way could be seen by many, as I am still hiding behind the mask, for I am behind a screen; and not up-close, face-to-face, one on one and totally declaring to the world, my family and friends that I have a problem. To be honest, I don't see anything wrong with one admitting that they have a mental illness, especially to their family and friends. I am just not sure that I am ready to let my family and friends in on my condition, as yet.

Besides my illness, which is indeed part of me. and has changed my whole life, but in a way, I am still me and I try my very best to lead and live a normal life, for I just trapped inside a bipolar body, screaming to get out.

Being Bipolar Can Seem As Both A Blessing And A Curse

Having not one, but two mental health conditions (bipolar and social anxiety disorders) has come as both a blessing and a curse; an upside down reality. Bipolar is a great part of me, it’s who I am, in a way it has greatly affected how I think, my thoughts, actions and how I see and interact with people on a whole. I have come to accept it as a huge part of my life and existence, and most times it brings me peace of mind, because it got me through some difficult trials and tribulations and even tragedies and little triumphs, but I am still hopeful that better days are ahead for me.


By: Avionne Legacy

Mental Health and Lifestyle Blogger/Writer

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