A Single Mom Tale - From “Situationships" to Motherhood


My life was like a typical Jamaican girl, broken because of the obvious cause “daddy wasn’t around” when you are like me and end up in this situation due to choices your mother made because “daddy wasn’t around either” then naturally you crave the love of a male without understanding why the searching feeling.During my adolescent years I was in and out of relationships, friendships and feelings with guys I liked and even thought I loved at some point.

Eventually as I grew into a lady due to life throwing me responsibilities that were inevitable, I thought I knew what I was looking for in a man, I dated on and off but realized I didn’t want to give up my independence simply because it granted me the things I needed without fussing or fighting with anyone.

Over the years my relationship status remained “single” however I was sexually active and had been caught up a few times in what I like to call “situationships” I knew this wasn’t healthy and struggled to get out and hoped to gain stability eventually. I had dodged two almost proposals, again because I wasn’t ready to give up my independence nor was I ready to settled down.

I struggled to find out what was the meaning of loving someone unconditionally was, I fought with myself every time I think I came close, my life love life sucked, my friends would tune in to find out my new love interests and my mom was disappointed because she thought she had seen some good ones get kicked to the curb, I was close to giving up then suddenly my interest was sparked by the friends around me who were having babies.

Their lives seem to change once they had their bundle of joy, suddenly it dawned on me, why not have a child, sure I knew it wouldn’t be easy since it takes two and I just wasn’t feeling a connection with anyone, I grew into the feeling more and more of wanting a child till I literally became desperate.

The thought for me was, this is the only human being I would finally love unconditionally knowing he/she is of me, eventually I hooked up with an old high school flame and rekindle what I thought would have been a relationship, he knew from the start what my ultimate goal was with the relationship being secondary. I then began to prepare my body for pregnancy by boosting it up with a change of diet and additive vitamins to help the process.

As usual the relationship started going downhill and I was ready to hop out again, hoping that this time I had gotten my wish, finally I wasn’t feeling myself and decided to visit my doctor to run random tests, and if you’ve guessed right then you know it was confirmed in that moment that I was pregnant!

Of course the news took me by surprise because I didn’t think it would have been so easy, but here my body was adopting a change, the change I needed and how my life would change forever. Due to the breakup I was forced to face this journey alone because we couldn’t stand to be around each other.

Once I had gotten use to the thought of pregnancy I noticed that I wasn’t facing the usual of what people made it seem like it was, no morning sickness nor illnesses, not much physical changes, matter a fact I had a new burst of energy and was eager to work harder only thing changed was my eating habits and new cravings otherwise I was happy, meeting new friends, taking on new projects and even got a promotion at my Job, my coworkers were awesome and people were good to me. I had this pregnancy thing down pat is what I would think to myself on a daily basis, it’s like my baby knew I was single and had to make ends meet because how else would I have gotten things done.

I was in and out of banks starting saving plans and finding new ways to hustle to make money on the side, my bills were paid and I was eating healthy and even going out with friends on few occasions.

Pregnancy felt easier than it looked, we were blessed and I was grateful, I had two unexpected baby showers one at work and one from friends and family, things seemed smooth I was driving to work and any other destination I wished to be.

However mentally I was struggling with the thought of knowing my bundle of joy wouldn’t grow up and see both parents together. I prayed for a boy because I felt I had so much knowledge to give a boy turning into a man about life itself after all I grew up as a tom boy with a brother and cousins.

The truth about it was I was a little hurt that we had separated and cried a lot because I wondered how we would co parent knowing that the child is innocent. I hated him for leaving us but I remembered several times that I just wanted a baby, so I felt at times it was working out in my favor but I still wondered if a relationship could work.

On my clinic visits is when I noticed I wasn’t alone and that I really was having it easier than other people, I would often strike conversations with other moms-to- be to hear their stories, that’s when I realized I had everything in the world to be thankful for, my pregnancy was a breeze unlike some people who had to stop working earlier than expected because of complications or moms who fought with their partner while pregnant due to infidelity or just moms who were stacking so much pounds it made it difficult for them to get around.

This new world was very fascinating to me and opened up different doors in my head of how to share my story and help pregnant women overcome their 7-9 months with grace like I did. My obsession with angels since I was 7 years old was real and I knew my baby and pregnancy was a miracle since I lost my brother 2 years ago who was October born after his funeral was when my baby fever started.

On October 10, 2017 my son was born and I named him Gabrijel- Which means God is my strong man and also pronounced “Gabriel” in English and one of the seven Arch Angels, his middle name Ocean, because the angel Gabriel is responsible for the element water and his last name Davidson completing his initials G.O.D.

I have now gotten the opportunity to share my experience with other moms at my local clinic (flankers health Center) on 2nd and 4th Thursdays at 9am with Nurse Fletcher who I will be alongside.

I am thankful to Mother Nature for the opportunity to be fruitful and grateful to God for allowing me to fulfill the purpose of a woman in reproducing this great gift that has changed my life forever.

”Pregnancy is Mother Nature’s way of reminding us women we are bearers of life”

 

Location: Zoetry Resort Montego Bay

Photographer: Larue Molyneaux

Makeup Artiste: Tiffany Wright

Floral Crown: Tai-Flora

Dresses: Coconut Gift shop at Zoetry Resort