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I am Jai Michelle, Tattoo Model - Tattoos reflected my internal pain of Depression and Suicide

I am Just Jai Michelle........

I am a published plus size/tattoo model. I would like to share my story with men and women who have experienced internal pain. I truly believe that pain can be transformed into beauty through self-love. I promised myself that once I overcame my challenges I would share my personal journey of to motivate and inspire others individual who have similar issues with pain!

I defined pain as sadness, heartache, depression, suicide and

even low self-esteem, yet I manifested my externally with tattoos.

I grew up in a Christian home, and attended church services every Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday. However, that does not make life grandiose. Who would have ever known that I suffered from internal pain such as sadness, heartache, depression, suicide and even low self-esteem? I never imagined the disappointment and anger I would feel towards the people closest to me.

Now twenty years later, my entire body has been tattooed to represents my life experiences whether good or bad. Instead of turning to drugs or alcohol, I began to get tattoos at a young age to mask the pain of hurt and disappointments. My tattoos are the manifests of my internal pain.

I was only 18 years old when I got my first tattoo. I always wanted a tattoo, but my parents always said no. As an act of defiance, I got tattooed any why. The tattoo was painful, but it was a good type of pain. Actually, it was a release of my internal pain. This first tattoo changed my life.

As I reminisce, my very first tattoo was small. I immediately made an appointment and to get my second biggest tattoo. Again that pain felt so good, and I did not cry. I just sat there and took it. The artist asked was I doing ok and that he had never seen anyone sit so still and not complain of pain.

It was a pain that didn’t make me think about anything else that was going on around me. I just thought of how cute the tattoo was going to look and how it felt. It was a major accomplished for me, because I did it on my own free will and without parental permission.

The tattoo masked the pain so well that each time I was going through something that made me feel pain internally; I wanted to experience the external pain from the tattoos.

Each tattoo on my body represents something specific. There is one tattoo which stands out the most is a crying mask with ribbons on my thigh. I was going through a time of depression and I attempted suicide. I remember this day like it was yesterday.

As life began to get better, my tattoos became an art of expression. My body shares a life story that is my testimony. I have learned to love and be loved. Through it all, my goal is to share that with self-love anything is possible. Consequentially, just like my tattoos released my internal pain, modeling as become an expression of my own personal acceptance and how I “unapologically” learned to love me!

Modeling has released pain by giving me the right to express myself through showing who I am and how my tattoos are an image of my personal makeup. As a tattoo/ plus model, it has helped me be more comfortable with myself and my body. Modeling relaxes me and allows me to escape and gives me the freedom to be who I want to be.


Follow my journey:

FaceBook: Jai Michelle

Instagram: Just_Jai_Michelle

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